Personal psychology 101 is what I’ll be talking about below.
The majority of people in life want to be in charge of their lives.
That is a colossal understatement, to be sure. We all want to have more control over life and our own lives than we currently have.
When we engage with life and other people in a way that demands control, we are actually forcing them in a direction that they would rather not go. That leads to conflict. The blame game is a result of conflict. We refuse to accept personal responsibility for our part in the conflict the moment we start placing blame on others. The only control we have—and the only control we will ever have—is the control we have over our own reactions—over ourselves—when we refuse to accept responsibility. We are deluded if we believe we can control or exert control over others.
The term “internal locus of control” (used in psychology) implies that we have control over a variety of factors, including how we react to other people and the choices we make. We regain control by accepting responsibility. You can apologize for your mistakes if you own your part in the conflict rather than blaming others. We have the most control over our lives when we have an internal locus of control.
However, the ‘external locus of control’ sees conflict as the other person’s issue. It’s the finger-pointing game, which is a pointless activity. We forfeit any power we might have in trying to control the other person by refusing to accept responsibility for our own actions. It hurts your relationships because people can’t understand why you won’t take responsibility for your mistakes and gives you little control over your own life.
Taking responsibility for our lives, including our deeds, words, mistakes, and successes, is the only way to live sanely and to interact with other people.